Through Thick And Thin

My name is Bob Reinhard. And I am a scrawny fuck.

I believe the medical term for it is “Morbidly Stick-like”. I actually resemble a real life stick figure. I have no issues with it, to be totally honest, but apparently other people are bothered by it. Bothered enough to make wonderful comments such as “Whoa, are you anorexic?!?” That’s actually happened. How fucked is that?! You can’t do that with any other physical problem. You can’t walk up to someone with a big forehead and go “Holy fuck, what, do you have Downs or something?!” You can’t do that! Well, you could, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

The problem stems from the fact that it’s perfectly alright to make fun of me for me being skinny. Which is sorta fucked. I mean, it’s NOT considered ok to make fun of fat people, so why is it peachy-keen for people to take shots at me being underweight? You’re still making fun of my weight, and that should be considered offensive.

I think it’s time us scrawny lil’ shits stood up for ourselves! That’s right my fellow twigs, it is time for us to rise as one and fight against scrawny opression! Stick figures have feelings too!

If we’re going to charge fat people twice for plane tickets, it should only be far that we should be charged for half. If we’re going to have weight-loss programs and gyms, we also should have fat-implant places, to add a little bulk to our bones.

It’s society and it’s view of weight that is the problem in the beginning. It’s not ok for a woman to be fat. She has to be a total stick. BUT if a man is a total stick, he is UNDER weight. Because all men are supposed to be buff and muscular. Fuck that. I am no less a man because of the fact I can play my rib cage like a Xylophone.

For some reason, it is pushed into us that women seek, what, a big strong man with washboard abs and a broad chest. I have broad abs and a washboard chest, does that work? I don’t view myself as any less attractive because I’m skinny, I just see myself as occupying less space. So fuck you for trying to make me feel bad about it.

Sure, a gust of wind could easily take me, but if you need to get into small spaces, you’d be fucked without me.

It’s been brought to my attention on several occasions that we’re in the middle of an “Obesity Epidemic”. Holy fuck! Epidemic? Isn’t that a little harsh of a term for “Too Many Cookies”? I’m actually starting to feel like I’m being left out of something. Like I’m not in on the “big” joke. Let fat people be, they aren’t doing shit to you. Don’t dog them for eating too much food, because your greedy ass will probably eat half the plate of your dinner and throw the rest away. At least they finish their meals. They aren’t the ones adding to global hunger, YOU are you wasteful pricks.

On a totally unrelated note, why is it that in a country full of fat people, it’s always the little 85 pound Asian guy that wins the eating contests? Great, we’re fat asses that suck at being fat asses.

I guess my point in all this is, it’s not alright to make fun of ANYONE for their weight, be it fat or thin. I know it’s not quite as much malice towards skinny people as fat people, but it’s still rude and annoying. I don’t get offended, I just get annoyed that it’s ok to make fun of me for my weight. If you’re fat, know that I’m not making fun of you here, I’m defending you. I don’t think you OR me should be made fun of for our weight. Cheers to you for being big, when winter time comes around, I get jelious!

Summary statement: Normal sized people suck. Fat people, skinny people, we’re the real humanity. Fuck those normal sized bastards, fuck them right in their healthy sized asses.